Ann1: Are your toes sagging?
Audience: Yes! Yepper! Yippee!
Inquisitor: Yippee? You might want to consider changing "Yippee" to Yowsers or Yellow.
Audience: Yellow! Yowsers!
Ann1: When you work out your body to tone and trim it into the shape you want, why don't you tone your toes too?
Audience: What a great idea!
Host: Straight from the infamous Bulgarian beauty secrets to you comes....TOE-RIFFIC!
Inquisitor: Toe-Riffic is not a word.
Host: It is now!
Audience: MMMBop is a word.
Inquisitor: Not worth mentioning.
Jesse: ::throws a lump of brick cheese at inquisitor:: How DARE you say that about my sacred Hanson hunnie-bunnies!
Inquisitor: Oof, oooooof!
Lucy: Hanson Stinks!
Host: OOOoooooK! That was pointless!
Host: Uhh, oh, nothing....
Director: Come on, get back on track here!
Host: So, you say youíre interested in our amazing toe-toning machine?
Host: But you need results donít you? ::looks skeptically at audience::
Audience: Yes, give us proof!
Host: OK! Rob?
Rob: Last year my toes were FAT! I can admit that now. But after I started on the Toe-Riffic workout plan, it has changed my life! My toes are now only 3/4 of an inch wide! And now that I smell like garlic no more pigeons and vampires follow me around!
Host: Ruthelford, you went through the program too didn't you? ::floor shakes::
Cheap Car Guy AKA Ruthelford: Yes-sirree Bobby Boy!
Host: And what wonders has it worked for you? ::floor shakes again::
Ruthelford: My toes sagged like you could never imagine. Well, maybe if you imagine a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup....but anyway, I couldnít eat with them anymore! They were dead! D-E-D Dead! They flopped every which way! But after just a few years on the Toe-Riffic plan a miracle happened. My toes just woke up! They were fit and toned and now I can eat my Toasty Cheese Crackers again!
Host: ::sniffs:: What a touching story. And thatís just a small handful of the unbelievable results of the Toe-Riffic plan. Millions of personal trainers in other countries already use Toe-Riffic!
Inquisitor: Bleep, bleep, bleep, spelling error, spelling error. Already does not contain vegetable oil!
Host: Humph! Who said anything about vegetable oil? ::floor shakes::
Ruthelford: I canít eat vegetable oil, itís too slippery and that goes right on to my toes.
Inquisitor: ::Hums Jeopardy theme:: Dum de dum dum dum de dum, dum de dum de dum da dumdumdumdum.....beep beep, timeís up, stop writing. Ruthelford, what did you come up with? ::floor shakes::
Ruthelford: ::smirks:: Vegetable Oil!
Inquisitor: Iím sorry, but that is incorrect.
Audience: Awww man!
Inquisitor: Rob, what did you come up with?
Rob: ::frowns, then smiles:: GARLIC!!!
Inquisitor: And Jesse, what did you come up with?
Jesse: Umm, Iím a contestant? Oh, OK, uhhhh, HANSON!
Inquisitor: No, Iím sorry, Hanson is not in one of the four major food groups. ::floor shakes::
Ruthelford: VEGETABLE OIL IS A FOOD!
Inquisitor: Itís in the 5th group! Itís an oil!
Ruthelford: Who eats Hanson?!?
Inquisitor: No one! ::floor shakes::
Ruthelford: Then whyíd it count?!?!?
Inquisitor: It didnít! I hold you in contempt of this game show!
Director: When did we become a game show? ::floor shakes again::
Ruthelford: I donít know what contempt is, BUT I HOLD MYSELF IN CONTEMPT!!!!!
Inquisitor: Fine with me.
Host: If you call in the next half hour, you can get the Toe-riffic machine and a tape to show you how to use it for only 7 easy payments of $39.95. Call now 1-800-GLOBALSTUFF!
Director: We have a phone number?
Jesse: No one eats the MMMBoppers!
Director: Does that have anything to do with how we got a telephone number?
Host: Ruthelford, what are you doing to the cue cards? ::floor shakes::
Ruthelford: Making the phone number.
Host: OK, pick up the phone and die.... I mean dial! ::phone rings:: ::floor shakes::
Ruthelford: It tis I! I make the phone ringeth!
Director: Where we get a phone?
Inquisitor: You canít get rid of it, it came pre-installed.
Host: Oh sheesh!
Inquisitor: Sheesh is not a word. Perhaps you mean sheet or another word like MMMBop not meant to be said by civilized people?
Host: Oh gerbil!
Inquisitor: Oh gerbil? Since when is that a known phrase?
Host: Since now. ::presses learn button::
Inquisitor: ::blinks:: Ahhh! Oh gerbil. Oh gerbil. Oh gerbil!
Hanson Groupies: ::sings oh Gerbil to the tune of MMMBop::
Host: Hey, their songs actually sound better that way!!!
Jesse: Sings with groupies:: O-Dot, Ohio Department of transpot, O-Dot, a wiggly blob on the, Road-Dot, weíll clean it up, ooo-oo-Dot.
Host: What happened to Oh Gerbil? ::floor shakes::
Ruthelford: Didnít fit!
Host: Youíre a Hanson groupie? ::floor shakes::
Ruthelford: NO WAY! I just like stereotypes of Hanson lovers. Theyíre so susceptible to stupid singing cravings!
Host: Mmmm, something smells like Kool-Aide!
Inquisitor: Oh I give up, this job is hopeless. All these words that donít exist!
Host: Good, go away! Good riddance! ::floor shakes::
Ruthelford: He didnít mean that!