Announcer1: Global Stuff welcomes you to another delightful hour of awe, entertainment, and selling you stuff!

Chorus: ::opening theme plays:: Here comes our cue! Doodly Doo!

Audience: Yeeee Haw!!

Announcer1: And now here's your wonderful host Bob Krauts to tell 'ye more.

Chorus: ::sings "Summer Nights":: Tell me more, tell me more.

Bob: Howdy ya'll! It's time to take a gander at our newest technologically advanced product: the Sparkly Food Processor.

Audience: How's it work????

Chorus: ::to tune of "Mary had a little Lamb":: When you have a little ham, little lamb, little spam, when you have a little yam, put them right in here. ::puts yam and ham in processor::

Bob: And when they come out ::timer dings:: ::pulls yam and ham out of processor, yam looks like a disco ball, ham looks like Crayola has created glitter food:: They are healthy, fat-free and bright!

Audience: Oooooooo!

Host: Isn't that nifty?!?

Ancient: It can be a decoration or a delicious meal!!!!!

Host: And now, this time only, you can get the Sparkly food processor for 6 easy payments of $22.56. You canít get the Sparkly food processor at stores!

Chorus: ::to "Row Row Row Your Boat":: No-One sells you stuff, Like we do here, Yipity Skipity Nipity Flipity Bipity Bopity Boo.

Bob: And if you call in the next half hour you get an absolutely free putty knife for $2.99 and the Sparkly clean Doughnut Machine for $3.82

Ancient: This deal would be worth $5,000 in stores, but today you can get it from us here at Global Stuff for just $143.17 ::takes a bite out of yam:: Itís even sparkly inside! ::shoves Twinkie in food processor::

Chorus: ::to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star":: Twinkie Twinkie you'll go far, If you get under par, Up above the trees is sky, If you go you can fly, Take the Jumbo Jet on cue, And may the food be with you.

Audience: ::cheers::

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