Host: Ever wonder How the universe began, how it felt to be there?
Audience: Yea!!!!! ::applause::
Host: Well, because of revolutionary food processing technology, we can now let you experience the big bang!!!!!
Host: It works like this. ::calls in assistant:: You can set the timer like so ::turns knob on shirt:: Or you can leave the miracles to surprise you. ::Shirt explodes:: ::ambulance crew hauls assistant away::
Host: As you can see, this type of shirt is not for persons with heart problems or those who are easily startled by the shirt on their back blowing up.
Audience: ::Laughs nervously::
Host: And now.....Today only, you can get this amazing shirt at a deal as amazing as itself. Only something this fantastic can have such a great deal attached. You can get the big Bang T-shirt for five easy installments of $39.95.
Announcer: You stupid!!!! Today only, if you call in the next hour, you can get the big bang T-shirt or sweatshirt and amaze your friends and family for only four easy payments of $29.95 each!! WOW!!!
Host: Remember, only five easy installments of $39.95!
Announcer: You Eeeediot! Today only you can get the Big bang T-shirt, or sweatshirt for only four easy payments of $29.95!
Audience: WOW!!! COOL!! How do I get one!!???
Host: Thatís easy! You just send check or money order payable to Global Stuff for five easy installments of $39.95.
Announcer: ::Falls over screaming and tearing at ear::
Director: Bob, Bob, calm down! Itís only four easy payments of $29.95 if you call before the hour is over!
Host: Well, buy our stuff! ::shirt explodes and paramedics haul host away:: ::shouts from stretcher:: Just five easy installments of $39.95!
Announcer: Arrgh!!!! ::screams and falls over while still on the floor::
Director: Get it right you stupid EEEdiot!!! Itís only four easy payments of $29.95! Only if you call in the next three seconds!