Host: Ever wonder How the universe began, how it felt to be there? Audience: Yea!!!!! ::applause:: Host: Well, because of revolutionary food processing technology, we can now let you experience the big bang!!!!! Audience: ::cheers:: Host: It works like this. ::calls in assistant:: You can set the timer like so ::turns knob on shirt:: Or you can leave the miracles to surprise you. ::Shirt explodes:: ::ambulance crew hauls assistant away:: Audience: ::Screams:: Host: As you can see, this type of shirt is not for persons with heart problems or those who are easily startled by the shirt on their back blowing up. Audience: ::Laughs nervously:: Host: And now.....Today only, you can get this amazing shirt at a deal as amazing as itself. Only something this fantastic can have such a great deal attached. You can get the big Bang T-shirt for five easy installments of $39.95. Announcer: You stupid!!!! Today only, if you call in the next hour, you can get the big bang T-shirt or sweatshirt and amaze your friends and family for only four easy payments of $29.95 each!! WOW!!! Host: Remember, only five easy installments of $39.95! Announcer: You Eeeediot! Today only you can get the Big bang T-shirt, or sweatshirt for only four easy payments of $29.95! Audience: WOW!!! COOL!! How do I get one!!??? Host: That’s easy! You just send check or money order payable to Global Stuff for five easy installments of $39.95. Announcer: ::Falls over screaming and tearing at ear:: Director: Bob, Bob, calm down! It’s only four easy payments of $29.95 if you call before the hour is over! Host: Well, buy our stuff! ::shirt explodes and paramedics haul host away:: ::shouts from stretcher:: Just five easy installments of $39.95! Announcer: Arrgh!!!! ::screams and falls over while still on the floor:: Director: Get it right you stupid EEEdiot!!! It’s only four easy payments of $29.95! Only if you call in the next three seconds! Audience: 3.........2..........1.......BYE!!!!!! |